Reminder that there is a canonical Marvel comics character called the Elf With A Gun who was literally just an elf with a gun who would appear randomly out of nowhere to shoot people for no particular reason.
He was created by the same guy who created Howard The Duck and was meant to symbolize the inherent chaos in the universe. He really needs to appear in the Marvel Cinematic Universe one of these days…
oh no, you don’t! you haven’t filled out the appropriate forms! you need better credentials. first fill out the following*:
do you admit–publicly, loudly, and continually–that you do not:
✔ condone
✔ accept ✔ understand
any of the villain’s immoral behavior, and that you do not:
✔ enjoy
✔ tolerate
✔ see any value whatsoever in
reading about actions that deviate from Current Puritan Norms, regardless of their merits as devices of narrative tension, character believability, and explorations of morality and empathy in a literary work?
X __________________
*you may waive signing this form if you can answer yes to the following question:
do you like the villain because you’re coping with a traumatic experience? if so, please describe your experience in as much detail as possible and publish the form for public viewing.
now you can say you like a villain on your blog!
do you hereby pledge to:
✔ like the villain as villain and only as villain ?
a departure from this clause is very exceptionally tolerable, if you submit an Alternate Character Interpretation essay that explains at length why, exactly, you’d rather not
like the villain as villain and only as villain. it MUST include:
✔ above mentioned detailed account of your trauma history and how it relates to that character ✔ at least one disclaimer per villain-related post that other fans are still free to like the villain as villain and only as villain
✔ the promise to be available for further interrogation of your motives at any point by whoever might be concerned
good luck !
By signing this and all associated forms, you hereby agree to the following:
-to not participate in general tags for the media franchise in question, ships involving your preferred character (both villain/villain and villain/protag ships are forbidden), or conversations about the franchise unless your opinions are specifically and explicitly solicited.
-to give platform to anyone who dislikes your preferred character
-to acknowledge that, while liking a villain may be morally permissible in certain instances (as outlined in the foregoing paperwork), it is never morally defensible and at best constitutes allowances made for people who can certify their damage and perform it satisfactorily for public consumption.
-to entirely avoid saying anything that could be construed as positive, admiring, appreciative, sympathetic, or expressing over identification with regard to your villain and any actions such as they might be depicted undertaking.
-to remember at all times that the protagonists and background characters a villain opposes, harms or otherwise interacts with are morally equivalent to real people with real feelings, and that all villains are morally equivalent to living human beings charged with behaving towards other living human beings in an abusive manner.
-where a villain is unambiguously characterized as abusive, to withdraw all your rights as laid out in the foregoing paperwork and perform public self-abasement in full view of other
a few years ago, 4chan’s /v/ board discovered a game about playing baseball with Winnie the Pooh characters on Disney’s Japanese website
the thing about this game was that it was insanely difficult. the “normal” characters in the game’s earlier levels required pretty precise timing to hit their pitches, and as you progressed through the games levels and made it to characters like tigger and owl the game flat-out started cheating. tigger’s pitches would zig-zag in mid-air, owl’s pitches would turn invisible halfway through and you had to hit them on pure timing alone, and so on. it was insanely hard and everyone was enamored by it. why is this winnie the pooh game for babies insanely hard, requiring reaction times that almost seemed inhuman?
then people beat all of those characters and made it to christopher robin. christopher robin was next to impossible to beat. he incorporated every previous character’s throwing quirks and would switch them up with every pitch. he would sometimes even combine them, like pitching invisible screwballs. you couldn’t defeat him.
everyone on /v/ loved this game. it gelled perfectly with the internet’s sense of humor at the time. people would photoshop christopher robin’s face on meteors with winnie the pooh preparing to bat the meteor out of the sky. fancomics were drawn. christopher robin became an angry god hell-bent on destroying everything in his path, winnie the pooh became earth’s last hero standing in defiance of the gods. it was insane. all because of this weird, insanely difficult japanese winnie the pooh baseball game.
Here’s a link to the game if anyone wants to give it a try (I fucking hate christopher robin so fucking much)
i'm very gay. i'd like a few dollars. 