argentconflagration:

allfeelsallthetime:

A big failure mode – maybe the biggest – is punishing people for suffering.

You see someone suffering, you feel like you ought to help, but you don’t want to help, and therefore you are compelled to insist that they’re not suffering, or punish them for making you feel guilty, or paint them as a villain.

Examples include laws that outlaw being homeless in public, outlaw doing things that primarily poor people need to do to survive, make it hard for abused children to emancipate themselves, etc. 

Also, social norms that make it okay to be mean to people just for being unhappy or lonely or frustrated in your presence.

In my book it’s not necessarily obligatory to help every suffering person.  But it is important to not punish them out of spite.  If you’re not going to help, at least don’t harm.  This is hard for me sometimes, but it’s important. You have to be okay with somebody being upset or unfortunate in your presence; like, “yes, you’re unhappy, and there’s no way I’m going to fix that (either I can’t or I’m not willing to), but I’m not going to add to the problem by being mean to you.”

I’m working on this.  If someone has a problem I’m not going to fix, just think “Okay.” Not “fuck you for having a problem at me.”  Not “How dare you obligate me to help you.”  Just… “Okay.” And don’t make it worse.

bringing this back because it’s so so important

you can’t help everyone. you can avoid being cruel to people who need help you can’t give.