alrightanakin:

alrightanakin:

my lit professor is a fount of wisdom so I’m compiling a list of things she says and I’ll post it at the end of the semester

here’s the abridged list of things my 60-something children’s lit professor said that i was able to quickly write down in the margins of my notes:

• i’m always in Tolkien’s corner because he probably threw great parties
• if you meet someone who likes fantasy fiction you’ve just met the pickiest of readers
• you’re not scared because you’re not grad students. grad students are scared all the time about everything
• if your plagiarism story is on 60 Minutes you done goofed
• heaven is very boring I’m sorry to say. it’s just like earth except you’re always going to church. then you start wanting to do things like laundry.
• historical fiction is the broccoli of books
• in my view you don’t send a baby to hell. actually in my world there is no hell
• honey, we drank our way through the 18th century
• i can really relate to that because most things i say are pretty great too
• this just slays me
• you fool! the moon is missing!
• you grow up kind of fast when you’re into fanfiction
• this is the one i call ‘the dudebro portrait’
• and so we were cheated out of life-sized concrete dinosaurs
• Mrs. Reverend Whackadoodle, who also had ‘WHORE’ on her shirt
• i am going to be buried with this book [the original Where’s Waldo]
• it would’ve made a terrible selfie
• it’s not a particularly great joke but it is a trope. maybe.
• it’s called ‘yaoi’
• they look like preschoolers but they have sex and you’re like ‘whoa what’
• i find that i don’t understand how robot sex is supposed to happen
• it’s not polite to breathe while others can’t
• little girls have been levitating people since the 1600s
• it was the craps game at the beginning of time
• ceased to exist except as an ambulatory uterus
• since the ancient greeks couldn’t make that pun I’ll overdo it
• if you’re ever in need of a drinking film…Hercules in New York
• they’re in it for the sex
• oh sad things happen when money is invoked
• a very popular subject for renaissance painters who i swear were secretly furries
• and that’s without the racist wackadoodles
• a lot of this is going to sound like wackadoodle city and I’m not making any of it up
• we need the ‘tharn’ back!!
• what i love about humans is our desire to make alcohol from anything given the chance
• unfortunately we won’t get nakedness on our stamps because the United States is a puritanical hell
• i was hopped up on cough medicine and didn’t cite my sources
• i found a My Little Sleipnir
• of course the Victorians were into toxic masculinity
• those of us who watched The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy will remember
• they had a very good time naming things at the beginning of the internet
• born complete with accessories
• now you know if it’s the zombie apocalypse and you’re stuck in Europe you can eat creeping bellwort
• we social scientists love to play with punctuation so we can be fake deep