Things that have happened in my first week of teaching fifth grade social studies at an IB world middle school

reservoircat:

• I had one student give me nothing but shit for the first three days until I wore a pair of brand new Docs to school at which point he walked in and said “Mrs. B, why you always look so tired like you bout to fall asl–OOHHHHHHH THOSE SHOES, WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE? HOW DO THOSE SHOES GO SO HARD, MRS. B?!” and proceed to actually treat me with respect for the rest of the week.
• I had one boy threaten to narc on me for being in the hall without a hallpass, until he realized I was a teacher, at which point he realized HE didn’t have a hall pass, so he ran in the other direction and smacked face first into a locker.
• So many boys have crushes on me. Possibly at least one girl.
• A boy named Bernard, who is essentially a smaller version of the character Perd Hapley from Parks and Rec, ask me if I was an only child, and, when I confirmed, tell me: “I knew it. I can tell these things. I’m an only child too, and I just feel like we’re capable of getting so much more done.”
• The children are all trying to teach me ASL, and I can now sign the first half of the Pledge of Allegiance. Two of my students are also trying to teach me German and Korean respectively.
• Three teachers have approached me to tell me to go back to class until the realize I’m actually the new teacher, which is usually when I open my mouth and tell them I’m actually the new teacher.
• 10 year old girl: “I can see why you would think I’d want to be an astrophysicist! It’s a much more common career, but my actual goal is to be an astro-biologist. I realize it’s inherently in it’s infancy, but I want to become the first woman to conclusively prove there is life on other planets, even if it isn’t necessarily life as we understand it.”
• 11 year old boy named Owen, who looks exactly like every recalcitrant, anime loving little weeb, who refuses to talk about literally any other subject, but when he gets into my class, basically becomes a small Tim Wise, and talks with stunning maturity about issues of race, class, gender, and societal corruption. Attempted to argue during Socratic seminar that clown makeup in inherently problematic due to the American history of minstrel shows.
• The head principal thought I was an eighth grader and tried to dress code me for wearing an uncollared shirt.