prokopetz:

Concept: when you got lost in the Enchanted Woods, you were lucky enough to be one of the kids who gets to star in a wondrous adventure rather than a grim cautionary tale – and like all young adventurers, you soon found yourself with a magical talking animal companion.

However, it seems that Fate was all out of mischievous fairies and smart-aleck cats that day. Instead, you got Phyllis, a scar-faced, middle-aged honey badger who’d been assigned to guide lost children safely through the Woods as part of a community service sentence for some offence whose particulars she refuses to discuss.

In retrospect, this was probably for the best.