oddbagel:

slimetony:

You know after teams win the big football game every body runs up to the coach all happy and pours gatorade on them? I wish that happened to me when I get out of bed in the morning

I won a gatorade contest in 2012 for this very thing. It was a cool novelty, at first. I’d get gatorade poured on me every morning, and they even let me choose which color gatorade it would be, but it became to much. I was contractually obligated to have gatorade poured on me every time I woke up. If I dozed off at work, they were there. If I was sleeping on the bus, they were there. Sometimes I would just close my eyes for a bit and they would pour gatorade on me thinking that I was sleeping. I couldn’t do anything about it. It would be like this until I died, Johnathan Gatorade (owner of gatorade) himself made sure of that. After months of having gatorade poured on me, my skin turned purple. Everyone calls me gator girl now and they insult my disgusting purple skin. I’ve gone to great lengths to stay awake and I’ve managed not to close my eyes for two months. I’ll be honest, I don’t know if this story is true anymore. Being awake for so long blurs your perception of what is real and what is a just a hallucination. Maybe there are no gatorade men and I should go to bed, but the thought of them waiting for me at my bedside and pouring that vile liquid over me as I wake is too terrifying to test.