poetrylesbian:

So one thing I spoke about with my therapist today is the fear of recovery.

Like, there’s this expectation that mentally ill people WANT to “recover” from their illness. That they want happy, healthy lives, that they want to be like “normal” people.

But that’s not always the case. At least, not emotionally. Logically, I know that I want to have a normal life. But emotionally? That’s freaking terrifying.

To me, right now in the middle of this depressive episode, I don’t want to get better. Getting better involves work, getting better involves facing my fears, it involves conforming to these societal standards that I care less and less about each day. Often there is this little voice in the back of my mind that just says… “Don’t get better. What other people think doesn’t matter. Just stay sad. Just stay in bed. This is easy for you. This is what you’re used to. This is your status quo. Why change?”

So I just want to let other mentally ill people who sometimes feel this way, I understand. You’re allowed to have days where you don’t want to get better. That doesn’t make you a “bad” mentally ill person or lazy or anything else. You and your illness are still 100% completely valid.